R.I.P Daddy

 I was 8 years old after going on a family holiday to Florida, within 2 days my dad was rushed to hospital after becoming unconcious and spent over a month in intensive care while they figured out what was wrong. After a week they discovered he had kidney failure in both kidneys. After being flown back to Scotland, doctors at the Royal infirmary diagnosed him with Polycystic kidney disease which caused both of his kidneys to fail. He became reliant on dialysis to keep him alive. At first it was Hemodialysis (performed at the hospital 3 times a week and each treatment takes about 6 hours), he then went onto Peritoneal dialysis which at was performed at home (at first he did it during the day 4 times a day and each treatment took about an hour, then he moved onto night time dialysis which took the entire night) then he was transferred back to hemodiaylsis. Nurses used to call me a mini nurse as from the age of 8 I used to help my dad out with his diaylsis and knew how to set it up and always used to enjoy helping out. Over the 9 years my dad suffered from this condition I saw him go through countless things. I remember vividly my mum having to call ambulances on numerous occasions as he developed peritonitis from his Peritoneal dialysis. As a child I visited the Royal so many times, Ward 206 (Renal ward) became much like a second home to my father. He spent a great deal of time in there and I missed out a great deal of having a dad growing up because of it. When I was 14 years old, late 2008, my father received the call we'd all spent 7 years waiting for, a kidney that matched his blood and tissue type had been found. I was at his house and he came rushing through with tears of joy in his eyes and said to me "They've found me a kidney" it was one of the happiest feelings in my life, things really did seem to be looking up. He went to the hospital that night and went in for the surgery the next morning. I remember telling everyone at school that they'd found my dad a kidney and he was going to be alright. I got home from school and was sitting watching TV. My mum received a phone call from the transplant co-ordinator, he explained over the phone that they tried for hours to transplant the kidney but it was unsuccessful due to problems with the circulation in his legs. After my mum told me my heart sank and I cried. I went to see him in the hospital and the joy and spirit had gone from his eyes. He was in Transplant intensive care and all around him people who'd received life saving transplants surrounded him and he was still sick and having to be on dialysis. It was so hard watching my dad cry. He described it as having life taken away from you in the blink of an eye. It took him months to even begin to get back on track and become the dad I once knew again and it was so difficult seeing him like that. On Monday 6th December 2010 my life changed in a way I never thought I'd experience until I was a lot older. I remember it so vividly. It was the day the snow started to get really bad. I asked to leave school early because I knew if I didn't I would end up stuck in Edinburgh with no way to get home. I don't know why but I decided to phone my dad. 11:30am I phoned my dad and we talked on the phone for 10 minutes about how he was going to take my Christmas shopping on the Wednesday and out for dinner. Before I hung up the phone I told him I loved him, to this day I'll never understand why I phoned him at that precise moment or said I loved him because I never normally did it. I arrived home and things were pretty normal. I remember it was the night of the big live Corronation Street episode, the Tram crash. I was sitting watching it when there was a knock at the door. Looking downstairs I saw two police men. After 15 minutes I walked downstairs and my mum asked me if I knew the number for my two uncles. I said I didn't and went back upstairs. The first thought that hit me was...my mum's getting arrested. After half an hour the police left and my mum came upstairs and asked me to turn to TV off. She said "Nicole I don't know how to tell you this so I'm going to say it, it's your dad, he's dead". I screamed, I cried. I'm not a person who cries on the spot, I have to think about things before crying but as soon as I heard it I began hysterical crying. I couldn't believe it. I told some friends and they couldn't believe it either. I had amazing support from numerous people and I cannot thank them enough for being there for me throughout the time. My mum told me that my dad had collapsed while walking back from the shops and died instantly, the years of kidney failure had eventually taken its toll on his heart and it stopped. A vetinary nurse tried to perform CPR but unfortunately it was too late, he was gone. He died 10 minutes after speaking to me on the phone, I was the last person who spoke to on the phone and every person I tell about it believes that some how I knew. His funeral was December 21st and it was beautiful. His favourite songs were played: You raise me up by Westlife and also Wild Horses by Susan Boyle. I wrote a poem and read it aloud at the funeral service. We had a collection for the dialysis wards at Edinburgh Royal Infirmary and Edinburgh Western General hospital and raised £300 in total. It's been nearly 2 and a half years since my father passed away (3 of my birthdays, 3 of his birthdays, 3 Christmases, 3 new years, 2 father's days.) My father will never be able to see my finish high school, go to university, walk me down the aisle or hold my first child but I know that he is looking down on me constantly. He's my shining star and I really hope that I am doing him proud. Losing my dad has been the hardest thing I have ever been through, I personally believe it's the hardest thing anyone can ever go through but it's made me a much stronger person. People tell me they're so proud of me, of how well I've coped as they wouldn't know what to do, but the truth is...you've just got to. I have more good days than bad now, it's become a lot easier but it will never be easy. It's so hard seeing other people my age and even older who still have both parents. One of my biggest challenges which I feel proud of overcoming is going to my friend's houses who's dad is there. I'm not proud of a lot of things I've done but one thing I am proud of is the fact that through it all I can smile and remember my dad for the amazing and strong man he truly was <3