"How do you do it?" is one of the major questions I receive from people when they find out about all my health problems as well as those who see me continuing to battle on a daily basis. I never really know how to give a simple answer to that question. I guess it is really difficult for someone who is healthy to understand how a sick person functions. They try to imagine how their life would be if they had the illnesses I do but it is impossible for them to do so. I've had friends watch me go through so much in my nearly 6 year battle with chronic health problems. They have been there through the good and the bad bits but the reality is the majority of people do not stick around long enough to see that I am a person just like any other.
I have come across the people who try to be polite about it but what they are really trying to say is they want nothing to do with you because your life brings too much drama due to being sick. You then have the people who start of like the perfect person. They are supportive, caring, kind and listen to you when you are having ups and downs. After a while though this wears off and you almost see their true colours underneath. They talk about you behind your back to other people. They tell about how they think you're "a drama queen" about how you "attention-seek" how "over-dramatic" you are, some even go as far as to question whether or not you are ill when you say you are. These people do not intentionally set out to hurt you but for the most part you end up getting hurt. Nobody should have to lose someone important to them due to something out with their control however, as the years have gone by I've lost various people who at one point meant everything to me and I have come to think that losing people is a part of living life with a chronic illness.
It is not however, always a negative situation. Through everything I have come to realise who should truly matter to me. The people who have stuck by me through everything, have never let chronic illness get in the way and have never let me down. They never judge me even though sometimes I give them every right to and they never think I am over-exaggerating or being dramatic when I am having a bad time. I have very few people in my life whom I can truly rely on through everything. I do not blame people for not being able to handle my health issues. After all, it is very out with the ordinary and not something you really want to deal with all the time.
So going back to my question of "how do you do it?" I guess my answer is a simple one. I just have to do it. There is no easy solution or easy way to explain it other than I have to get through things. I have endured nearly 6 years of chronic health problems and I have had to come to terms with a lot of things. Some of them are things that no young adult should have to think about such as "when is my next hospital admission?" "what side effects could this medication give me?" "could this condition prove fatal?". Others are limitations which have become apparent over the years. Things such as "I cannot pass my exams this year" "I am struggling to walk up the stairs without gasping for breath" "I cannot eat that because it may contain nuts". Sometimes it does seem like a never-ending struggle that never gets any easier however there are many positives I have come across regarding my battle.
I feel I am more motivated than I would have been. I was so much more determined to pass my exams and to get into University when I started to struggle with my health than when I was before. I never let anything get in the way of my education. It did not matter that I had to repeat my last year of school or attend a 7 week long summer school whilst most other people my age were out partying and galavanting away on holiday somewhere nice, I achieved something that so many thought I would not, I got to University. Yes it has proved no easy task and yes I still have moments where it seems like I just want to give up but I feel so much more determined to complete my degree and say I have done it.
I live for today. Before my health issues truly started, despite being young, I tended to dwell upon the past a lot. I would focus on the bad things that had happened and often wonder if things would get better. Now things are so different. I think about the past but it is no longer the bain of my life. I live each day at a time. Today could be horrible and I could struggle through but the reality that so many do not realise is tomorrow could be so much better, it could be the happiest day of your life. I think about the things that my future may hold but for the most part I have hope for tomorrow. I always try to smile everyday even if I am at the lowest of the low points and feeling like giving up. I think about the positive things in life such as my friends, my family and the things I have to look forward to like Christmas and my 21st Birthday, these all help me get through the dark times.
In a lot of ways I am grateful for my health problems. They have caused so much pain, anguish and hurt in my life as well as those around me however, they have also brought hope. They have made me value the little things in life such as getting up in the morning and putting on clothes, cooking for yourself as well as the big things in life such as finishing high school and moving out for the first time.
Like anyone I cannot predict the future. I do not know what will happen tomorrow let alone in years to come but what I do know is I will continue to be forever grateful for those people who make my life even that little bit easier. The people who make me smile when I'm at my lowest point, who bring light at the darkest of moments and who just generally make life a better place to be. Life should not be about having lots of money or having the best job it should be about being the best person you truly can be as well as surrounding yourself with people who bring out the best in you.
Wednesday 17 December 2014
Thursday 6 November 2014
The nightmare that is anaphylaxis...
I've written a fair few blogs which talk about my life with chronic illnesses, both the ups and the downs. This blog is going to focus specifically on what it's like to live with multiple allergies and anaphylaxis.
Anyone who knows me well enough or has been reading my blogs will know that I suffer from both of these conditions. I've suffered from allergies since the age of 4 years old but things escalated when I was 16 years old. I became anaphylactic to many things and allergic to many more.
To quickly say what anaphylaxis is: anaphylaxis is a rare but life-threatening allergic reaction. When referring to an allergic reaction what one means is that the immune system has mistaken something harmful, such as nuts or dust, as an intruder, something which shouldn't be there and releases histamine. The release of histamine causes a range of symptoms which affect different systems within the body. In patients with anaphylaxis the main systems which are affected are the respiratory, digestive and circulatory systems. This causes a wide range of symptoms from difficulty breathing to vomiting. What is an everyday treat, such as peanut butter, to the majority of people becomes something deadly to someone with anaphylaxis.
To go onto more about my experiences with anaphylaxis, I've suffered a wide range of them. I've suffered minor reactions where within minutes I became better and within hours could go back to everyday life however at the opposite end of the scale I've suffered reactions which have been deemed as deadly. I've been admitted to Intensive care on various occasions as well as High Dependency due to anaphylaxis. What many people don't realise or understand is that the issue isn't just coming into contact with something that causes an allergic response. Many times I've experienced an episode of anaphylaxis, been given prompt medical treatment and hours to days later have become extremely unwell again, fighting for my life. These are what are known as biphasic reactions. A biphasic reaction occurs when after the medication controlling the anaphylactic reaction wears off there is still some of the allergen left in the body and once again the body does everything within it's power to try and get rid of it. These reactions can often be worse than the initial reaction.
Anaphylaxis is an extremely frightening condition to live with. A common misconception associated with allergies is that they are easy to live with. "Just avoid the thing you're allergic to and you'll have nothing to worry about" when the reality is so much different. May contains, made in a factory with, produced on the equipment with are all part of the nightmare that is anaphylaxis. It's not just about avoiding the allergen itself but also a whole range of other things too. I remember going into a supermarket and picking up some flavoured water. I was reading the nutritional information when the allergy advice caught my eye "May contain traces of nuts". I put the water back down and sighed, totally frustrated. Allergies are hard enough to live with but many companies use what is known in the allergy community as "blanket labelling". This is where they will place allergy warnings, in particular nut allergy warnings, on everyday items that you wouldn't think would contain the allergen. Things like juice, crisps, even fresh fruit can often be off the tables when living with allergies because it's too much of a risk to take because even a small amount of the allergen protein can cause a life-threatening situation amongst allergy sufferers.
It's not even just food that proves to be an issue but other everyday items too. In particular living with a nut allergy is extremely challenging and difficult. I have several allergies to things but the hardest by far I've found is tree nuts and peanuts. You have to check the back of things like cosmetic products, cleaning products, medication because all of these have the potential to contain nuts or nut oil. It isn't an easy life to live but the reality is you've just got to get through it.
Many people ask me how I do it, how I get through things. The reality is that even though I've only been suffering with anaphylaxis and multiple allergies for just over 4 years, they've become such a massive part of my life that I cannot remember a life without worrying about food-labelling and may contains. I cannot remember back to when life seemed so much simpler and I didn't constantly have to stress about what I eat or have I got my medication with me. My allergies are a massive part of my life and to some extent I became my anaphylaxis and allergies for a while. Nowadays things are easier, I've learned what is safe and what isn't. Even then sometimes it isn't enough.
In the 4 years I've suffered with anaphylaxis I've suffered over 200 anaphylactic reactions including biphasic reactions. Every reaction has put me into the hospital whether it be the emergency department receiving observation, resusitation ending up with numerous needles and tests being performed or critical care (intensive care/high dependency) not sure what's going to happen next. Numerous people think I'm extremely careless when it comes to my allergies, that I evidently don't avoid the things I know I cannot have when this is far from the case. I avoid not only all the things that contain my allergies but may contains too. Unfortunately I suffer from a very rare issue compared to most people with anaphylaxis. My allergies constantly change. What I mean by that is quite literally I could be allergic to something one day and can eat it the next. What is safe for me today may put me in the hospital fighting for my life tomorrow. That may seem like a complete over-exaggeration but it's the reality of my life. The biggest example of this would be my anaphylaxis to nuts. My first reaction, in August 2010, was to hazelnuts and afterwards I suffered reactions to peanuts, almonds and many others. Late November 2011 I was accidentally given a meal containing nuts. I waited for the reaction to happen, I think those were the most horrible minutes and hours of my life to date, but no reaction came. On reporting this to my doctor I was referred back to a specialist for testing regarding this. I was blood tested, skin tested as well as given an oral challenge (this is where the patient is given the allergen in very small quantities and it's built up more and more to see if a reaction will happen). I passed all of them for both tree nuts and peanuts and was deemed non-allergic to both. My anaphylaxis no longer seemed as scary as it once was. I could eat things freely without having to worry too much. During April 2013 I was re-diagnosed with anaphylaxis to both peanuts and tree nuts after eating some cashews and going into anaphylactic shock. It felt like my world had crumbled. I felt completely back to square one and totally alone.
"Fussy eater" "It's just a peanut" "Don't be so over dramatic" "You're just attention seeking" these are all quotes from people I've come into contact with regarding my allergies. People don't seem to understand the implications of anaphylaxis. I think it's because it's not them or someone they are close to suffering from the condition. They don't understand how difficult life with allergic reactions truly is. A lot of people associate allergies with a slight rash or a sniffle, such as that of hayfever, many people are un-aware that for so many people over the world it's life-threatening. Looking at some statistics published by Allergy UK (http://www.allergyuk.org/allergy-statistics/allergy-statistics):
-Each year the number of those suffering from allergies increases by 5%, half of these being children
-Over 150 million people in Europe alone suffer from allergies deeming it the most chronic disease
-In 10 years time it is expected that 50% of Europeans will suffer from allergies
-In the UK there are 30 specialists in allergies. This means that there is 1 specialist per 700,000 patients suffering from allergies
-£68 million is spent annually for hospital admissions for allergies
Food allergy.org (http://www.foodallergy.org/document.doc?id=194) also published statistics relating to anaphylaxis in particular:
-In the US food allergies result in more than 300,000 ambulances being called out to children under the age of 18
-In the US every 6 minutes someone is admitted to an emergency department suffering with anaphylaxis
-Teenagers and young adults are most at risk for fatality associated with anaphylaxis
-Children suffering with food allergies are 2-4 times more likely to suffer with an associated condition, such as asthma or hayfever, than children without food allergies
So why isn't more awareness being raised regarding this condition? Why are there still so many common misconceptions associated with this condition?
The condition affects so many people worldwide, many children, yet still there is hardly any awareness regarding it. Allergies are NOT just something simple to live with, they are extremely difficult, they influence many factors of a person's life not just their eating. It impacts upon where they can go, their education, their work as well as them having what is considered to be a normal life.
Allergies can be severe and the reason behind writing this blog is to hopefully give somewhat of an insight into life with an allergic condition and hopefully raise more awareness regarding this nightmare.
Anyone who knows me well enough or has been reading my blogs will know that I suffer from both of these conditions. I've suffered from allergies since the age of 4 years old but things escalated when I was 16 years old. I became anaphylactic to many things and allergic to many more.
To quickly say what anaphylaxis is: anaphylaxis is a rare but life-threatening allergic reaction. When referring to an allergic reaction what one means is that the immune system has mistaken something harmful, such as nuts or dust, as an intruder, something which shouldn't be there and releases histamine. The release of histamine causes a range of symptoms which affect different systems within the body. In patients with anaphylaxis the main systems which are affected are the respiratory, digestive and circulatory systems. This causes a wide range of symptoms from difficulty breathing to vomiting. What is an everyday treat, such as peanut butter, to the majority of people becomes something deadly to someone with anaphylaxis.
To go onto more about my experiences with anaphylaxis, I've suffered a wide range of them. I've suffered minor reactions where within minutes I became better and within hours could go back to everyday life however at the opposite end of the scale I've suffered reactions which have been deemed as deadly. I've been admitted to Intensive care on various occasions as well as High Dependency due to anaphylaxis. What many people don't realise or understand is that the issue isn't just coming into contact with something that causes an allergic response. Many times I've experienced an episode of anaphylaxis, been given prompt medical treatment and hours to days later have become extremely unwell again, fighting for my life. These are what are known as biphasic reactions. A biphasic reaction occurs when after the medication controlling the anaphylactic reaction wears off there is still some of the allergen left in the body and once again the body does everything within it's power to try and get rid of it. These reactions can often be worse than the initial reaction.
Anaphylaxis is an extremely frightening condition to live with. A common misconception associated with allergies is that they are easy to live with. "Just avoid the thing you're allergic to and you'll have nothing to worry about" when the reality is so much different. May contains, made in a factory with, produced on the equipment with are all part of the nightmare that is anaphylaxis. It's not just about avoiding the allergen itself but also a whole range of other things too. I remember going into a supermarket and picking up some flavoured water. I was reading the nutritional information when the allergy advice caught my eye "May contain traces of nuts". I put the water back down and sighed, totally frustrated. Allergies are hard enough to live with but many companies use what is known in the allergy community as "blanket labelling". This is where they will place allergy warnings, in particular nut allergy warnings, on everyday items that you wouldn't think would contain the allergen. Things like juice, crisps, even fresh fruit can often be off the tables when living with allergies because it's too much of a risk to take because even a small amount of the allergen protein can cause a life-threatening situation amongst allergy sufferers.
It's not even just food that proves to be an issue but other everyday items too. In particular living with a nut allergy is extremely challenging and difficult. I have several allergies to things but the hardest by far I've found is tree nuts and peanuts. You have to check the back of things like cosmetic products, cleaning products, medication because all of these have the potential to contain nuts or nut oil. It isn't an easy life to live but the reality is you've just got to get through it.
Many people ask me how I do it, how I get through things. The reality is that even though I've only been suffering with anaphylaxis and multiple allergies for just over 4 years, they've become such a massive part of my life that I cannot remember a life without worrying about food-labelling and may contains. I cannot remember back to when life seemed so much simpler and I didn't constantly have to stress about what I eat or have I got my medication with me. My allergies are a massive part of my life and to some extent I became my anaphylaxis and allergies for a while. Nowadays things are easier, I've learned what is safe and what isn't. Even then sometimes it isn't enough.
In the 4 years I've suffered with anaphylaxis I've suffered over 200 anaphylactic reactions including biphasic reactions. Every reaction has put me into the hospital whether it be the emergency department receiving observation, resusitation ending up with numerous needles and tests being performed or critical care (intensive care/high dependency) not sure what's going to happen next. Numerous people think I'm extremely careless when it comes to my allergies, that I evidently don't avoid the things I know I cannot have when this is far from the case. I avoid not only all the things that contain my allergies but may contains too. Unfortunately I suffer from a very rare issue compared to most people with anaphylaxis. My allergies constantly change. What I mean by that is quite literally I could be allergic to something one day and can eat it the next. What is safe for me today may put me in the hospital fighting for my life tomorrow. That may seem like a complete over-exaggeration but it's the reality of my life. The biggest example of this would be my anaphylaxis to nuts. My first reaction, in August 2010, was to hazelnuts and afterwards I suffered reactions to peanuts, almonds and many others. Late November 2011 I was accidentally given a meal containing nuts. I waited for the reaction to happen, I think those were the most horrible minutes and hours of my life to date, but no reaction came. On reporting this to my doctor I was referred back to a specialist for testing regarding this. I was blood tested, skin tested as well as given an oral challenge (this is where the patient is given the allergen in very small quantities and it's built up more and more to see if a reaction will happen). I passed all of them for both tree nuts and peanuts and was deemed non-allergic to both. My anaphylaxis no longer seemed as scary as it once was. I could eat things freely without having to worry too much. During April 2013 I was re-diagnosed with anaphylaxis to both peanuts and tree nuts after eating some cashews and going into anaphylactic shock. It felt like my world had crumbled. I felt completely back to square one and totally alone.
"Fussy eater" "It's just a peanut" "Don't be so over dramatic" "You're just attention seeking" these are all quotes from people I've come into contact with regarding my allergies. People don't seem to understand the implications of anaphylaxis. I think it's because it's not them or someone they are close to suffering from the condition. They don't understand how difficult life with allergic reactions truly is. A lot of people associate allergies with a slight rash or a sniffle, such as that of hayfever, many people are un-aware that for so many people over the world it's life-threatening. Looking at some statistics published by Allergy UK (http://www.allergyuk.org/allergy-statistics/allergy-statistics):
-Each year the number of those suffering from allergies increases by 5%, half of these being children
-Over 150 million people in Europe alone suffer from allergies deeming it the most chronic disease
-In 10 years time it is expected that 50% of Europeans will suffer from allergies
-In the UK there are 30 specialists in allergies. This means that there is 1 specialist per 700,000 patients suffering from allergies
-£68 million is spent annually for hospital admissions for allergies
Food allergy.org (http://www.foodallergy.org/document.doc?id=194) also published statistics relating to anaphylaxis in particular:
-In the US food allergies result in more than 300,000 ambulances being called out to children under the age of 18
-In the US every 6 minutes someone is admitted to an emergency department suffering with anaphylaxis
-Teenagers and young adults are most at risk for fatality associated with anaphylaxis
-Children suffering with food allergies are 2-4 times more likely to suffer with an associated condition, such as asthma or hayfever, than children without food allergies
So why isn't more awareness being raised regarding this condition? Why are there still so many common misconceptions associated with this condition?
The condition affects so many people worldwide, many children, yet still there is hardly any awareness regarding it. Allergies are NOT just something simple to live with, they are extremely difficult, they influence many factors of a person's life not just their eating. It impacts upon where they can go, their education, their work as well as them having what is considered to be a normal life.
Allergies can be severe and the reason behind writing this blog is to hopefully give somewhat of an insight into life with an allergic condition and hopefully raise more awareness regarding this nightmare.
Wednesday 17 September 2014
Update time...
I haven't written a blog post in quite some time so thought I would get back into blogging.
Quite a lot has happened since the last time I really blogged properly, I guess I could call this blog a kind of update on my life and everything that is happening.
At the end of December I wrote a blog about my first experience of having a seizure. If you want to read about it here's a link to that particular blog post: http://memyselfandi2294.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/medical-updates.html
Quite a lot of people do experience a single, isolated seizure within their lives so my first seizure, although at the time was terrifying for those having to watch, wasn't taken too seriously. I mean that in the sense that I was given prompt treatment during the seizure and I was referred within days to a neurologist for "first seizure clinic". I was then referred for an EEG test. An EEG, for anyone that would like to know, is a test which tracks your brain waves. You get little sticky pads put on your head which are secured with a special type of gel. The pads are then hooked up to a machine which can track your brain activity. It is a test which is often used in helping to diagnose epilepsy. You may be asked to do particular breathing exercises or stare at flashing lights. My EEG was determined normal and I was discharged from neurology. After being discharged I suffered a further 3 seizures. One was during late December 2013, shortly after my first seizure, at a birthday party. The next was during April 2014 and the last was during July 2014. I was referred back to the same neurologist where I was diagnosed with epilepsy.
What is the different between an epileptic seizure and a seizure you may ask? Our brains constantly send messages throughout our brain. To make sure they don't get confused and cause our body harm they go in a particular pattern. During an epileptic seizure the brains sends out messages all at the one time. The seizures can be partial, this means only part of the brain is affected, these are things like: simple partial seizures and complex partial seizures. Then there's generalised seizures, these affect the entire brain, these are things like absence seizures, tonic seizures and tonic clonic (these used to be known as grand-mal) seizures. Tonic clonic seizures are the type of seizures which are commonly thought of when someone has a seizure. The person will go completely stiff and rigid (this is the tonic stage) then their body will go lose and they will go into the clonic stage where they suffer from convulsions. During this type of seizure the person can have difficulty breathing, can bite their tongue and can become incontinent. The type of seizure I suffer from is tonic clonic seizures. These are often described as the most scariest type of seizures for others as often during other seizures people do not realise the person is having a seizure. During a tonic-clonic seizure it is very obvious. The person is unconcious throughout the whole event, in my opinion I am glad that I am not concious as it's something I wouldn't want to experience consciously. Around 70% of people suffering from epilepsy have their seizures controlled by the first anti-epileptic drug they try. Thus far I have been living within the 70% of people. I am on an anti-epileptic drug which hopefully will continue to work for me.
On a completely different note, due to being off University so much during my 1st year I was supposed to sit re-sit exams during July in order to hopefully go onto 2nd year. Unfortunately I was in hospital during the time I was supposed to sit the resit exams and was unable to do this. My case was referred to the Programme Board of Examiners within my University to decide what the next steps would be in my academic career. The decision was published on August 29th that I would be allowed to repeat my 1st year of University. The relief that flooded me when I was given the decision is something I physically cannot begin to explain.
The difference between this year and last is that I am in Student Accommodation this year. The accommodation is lovely. It's basically brand new built, only one other year of students has lived in it. Each bedroom has an ensuite and we all share a kitchen. My new flat mates are really nice. I'm sharing with all girls and there are 8 of us in total. We get along really well and I'm sure this will continue.
I am determined to do well this year. I tried so hard last year but unfortunately sometimes your best doesn't quite cut it. I'm really proud of myself though. The module I did manage to pass I was awarded a merit (this is the highest mark awarded at my University in a module).
I don't know how this year is going to go but *fingers crossed* it goes well.
Quite a lot has happened since the last time I really blogged properly, I guess I could call this blog a kind of update on my life and everything that is happening.
At the end of December I wrote a blog about my first experience of having a seizure. If you want to read about it here's a link to that particular blog post: http://memyselfandi2294.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/medical-updates.html
Quite a lot of people do experience a single, isolated seizure within their lives so my first seizure, although at the time was terrifying for those having to watch, wasn't taken too seriously. I mean that in the sense that I was given prompt treatment during the seizure and I was referred within days to a neurologist for "first seizure clinic". I was then referred for an EEG test. An EEG, for anyone that would like to know, is a test which tracks your brain waves. You get little sticky pads put on your head which are secured with a special type of gel. The pads are then hooked up to a machine which can track your brain activity. It is a test which is often used in helping to diagnose epilepsy. You may be asked to do particular breathing exercises or stare at flashing lights. My EEG was determined normal and I was discharged from neurology. After being discharged I suffered a further 3 seizures. One was during late December 2013, shortly after my first seizure, at a birthday party. The next was during April 2014 and the last was during July 2014. I was referred back to the same neurologist where I was diagnosed with epilepsy.
What is the different between an epileptic seizure and a seizure you may ask? Our brains constantly send messages throughout our brain. To make sure they don't get confused and cause our body harm they go in a particular pattern. During an epileptic seizure the brains sends out messages all at the one time. The seizures can be partial, this means only part of the brain is affected, these are things like: simple partial seizures and complex partial seizures. Then there's generalised seizures, these affect the entire brain, these are things like absence seizures, tonic seizures and tonic clonic (these used to be known as grand-mal) seizures. Tonic clonic seizures are the type of seizures which are commonly thought of when someone has a seizure. The person will go completely stiff and rigid (this is the tonic stage) then their body will go lose and they will go into the clonic stage where they suffer from convulsions. During this type of seizure the person can have difficulty breathing, can bite their tongue and can become incontinent. The type of seizure I suffer from is tonic clonic seizures. These are often described as the most scariest type of seizures for others as often during other seizures people do not realise the person is having a seizure. During a tonic-clonic seizure it is very obvious. The person is unconcious throughout the whole event, in my opinion I am glad that I am not concious as it's something I wouldn't want to experience consciously. Around 70% of people suffering from epilepsy have their seizures controlled by the first anti-epileptic drug they try. Thus far I have been living within the 70% of people. I am on an anti-epileptic drug which hopefully will continue to work for me.
On a completely different note, due to being off University so much during my 1st year I was supposed to sit re-sit exams during July in order to hopefully go onto 2nd year. Unfortunately I was in hospital during the time I was supposed to sit the resit exams and was unable to do this. My case was referred to the Programme Board of Examiners within my University to decide what the next steps would be in my academic career. The decision was published on August 29th that I would be allowed to repeat my 1st year of University. The relief that flooded me when I was given the decision is something I physically cannot begin to explain.
The difference between this year and last is that I am in Student Accommodation this year. The accommodation is lovely. It's basically brand new built, only one other year of students has lived in it. Each bedroom has an ensuite and we all share a kitchen. My new flat mates are really nice. I'm sharing with all girls and there are 8 of us in total. We get along really well and I'm sure this will continue.
I am determined to do well this year. I tried so hard last year but unfortunately sometimes your best doesn't quite cut it. I'm really proud of myself though. The module I did manage to pass I was awarded a merit (this is the highest mark awarded at my University in a module).
I don't know how this year is going to go but *fingers crossed* it goes well.
Thursday 24 July 2014
It's the Little Things
I believe nowadays that people often take fore-granted the "little things" in life. They think about the massive big things that will happen to them, such as: finishing high school, going on to get a job, meeting someone who they will spend the rest of their life with...but forget about the little things that should matter.
I think everyone to an extent takes things fore-granted even when they say they won't. Whether that be their relationships with others or just the genuine everyday things that make them happy. Even I am guilty of saying that I will value every little part of life to the fullest but often forget.
I often focus on what everyone else thinks is important. I look around at others my own age and realise how different my life is from a lot of theirs. I see people settling down with people they have known for 1 or 2 years at a time and getting engaged and married...I see those younger than me going on and having children thinking it is the right choice in life. I then look at my life and think how much of a different view I have...I've been in several relationships since the age of 16 and at the time I've always thought that person was the one for me, the person I was destined to spend the rest of my life with. I've always thought I was madly in love and then ended up majorly heartbroken when things have gone wrong. I could never see myself settling down at a young age and having children young. I guess in some ways I still live in the mindset of a child where I think that everything should work out perfectly but as I have learned not everything in life does.
Heartbreak, losing people, losing things they are all part of life...just like happiness and love are too. I often question whether I actually know what love is. People say that if you have to ask that then you are not in love but personally I do not believe that. I believe that love is too complicated to even start to explain. You know you are in love, yes, but what is love? Love has so many different definitions it has become something we use as a "casual" term. Instead of saying "I love you" and meaning it we have often began to get confused between lust/liking someone and love.
Change is difficult...relationships are difficult. They are amazing in their own respect but they are hard too. You make sacrifices and change things for the other person because you want them to be happy...relationships should be a two way thing though where both parties should be even within the relationship, they should both make the same (if not a similar) amount of effort.
Life is difficult...but no one ever said this road was going to be easy. One of my favourite quotes is out of the film Rocky and describes how I feel about life perfectly:
" The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place... and I don´t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently, if you let it. You, me or nobody, is gonna hit as hard as life. But ain't about how hard you hit... It's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward... how much you can take, and keep moving forward. That´s how winning is done. Now, if you know what you worth, go out and get what you worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits. And not pointing fingers saying: You ain´t what you wanna be because of him or her or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain´t you! You´re better than that.
I think everyone to an extent takes things fore-granted even when they say they won't. Whether that be their relationships with others or just the genuine everyday things that make them happy. Even I am guilty of saying that I will value every little part of life to the fullest but often forget.
I often focus on what everyone else thinks is important. I look around at others my own age and realise how different my life is from a lot of theirs. I see people settling down with people they have known for 1 or 2 years at a time and getting engaged and married...I see those younger than me going on and having children thinking it is the right choice in life. I then look at my life and think how much of a different view I have...I've been in several relationships since the age of 16 and at the time I've always thought that person was the one for me, the person I was destined to spend the rest of my life with. I've always thought I was madly in love and then ended up majorly heartbroken when things have gone wrong. I could never see myself settling down at a young age and having children young. I guess in some ways I still live in the mindset of a child where I think that everything should work out perfectly but as I have learned not everything in life does.
Heartbreak, losing people, losing things they are all part of life...just like happiness and love are too. I often question whether I actually know what love is. People say that if you have to ask that then you are not in love but personally I do not believe that. I believe that love is too complicated to even start to explain. You know you are in love, yes, but what is love? Love has so many different definitions it has become something we use as a "casual" term. Instead of saying "I love you" and meaning it we have often began to get confused between lust/liking someone and love.
Change is difficult...relationships are difficult. They are amazing in their own respect but they are hard too. You make sacrifices and change things for the other person because you want them to be happy...relationships should be a two way thing though where both parties should be even within the relationship, they should both make the same (if not a similar) amount of effort.
Life is difficult...but no one ever said this road was going to be easy. One of my favourite quotes is out of the film Rocky and describes how I feel about life perfectly:
" The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place... and I don´t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently, if you let it. You, me or nobody, is gonna hit as hard as life. But ain't about how hard you hit... It's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward... how much you can take, and keep moving forward. That´s how winning is done. Now, if you know what you worth, go out and get what you worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits. And not pointing fingers saying: You ain´t what you wanna be because of him or her or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain´t you! You´re better than that.
Tuesday 10 June 2014
What's in my handbag?
I always like to carry my medication around with me so if I stay over at a friend's house or am unexpectedly taken into hospital I do not have to worry about not having medication with me. I was getting bored of keeping my medication in a food bag so decided to make some use out of an old purse. I placed tablet strips within the purse so it not only makes it less conspicuous but makes having to carry around medication less scary.
Friday 6 June 2014
30 things about my chronic illnesses
(30 chronic illness tag questions taken from imallergictolife.blogspot.co.uk)
1. The illnesses I live with are:
Reading the ingredients on everything and being aware of my asthma triggers
5. Most people assume:
All asthma is, is taking a blue inhaler and then you'll be okay. However, for me and so many others it is so much more than that. People assume that anaphylaxis is just a food allergy and taking a tablet will make things better. The reality is anaphylaxis can kill if not treated properly. It is never just avoiding foods as it is not just foods that may contain your allergen. Many cosmetic products can also contain it. People assume depression is like having a bad day, things always get better in the morning. Sometimes it can be that way but other times you feel so low that you feel like there is no point anymore.
6. The hardest part about mornings are:
Waking up early. If I have been taking steroids to counteract inflammation then sometimes it causes steroid related insomnia which causes me to be awake for hours on end at night without being able to sleep even if I am tired. Some of my normal daily medications carry the side effect of drowsiness and it can be difficult to wake up if you are extremely drowsy.
7. My favorite medical TV show is:
Casualty! I cannot go without my weekly fix of Casualty. February 2013 I was granted a wish from the charity Dreams Come True. I chose to visit the set of Casualty (ironic that is haha).
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is:
My mobile phone! Need I say anymore?
9. The hardest part about nights are:
Trying hard not to over think and get myself really stressed and worked up about nothing.
10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins.
On a normal day I take: 7 tablets and one inhaler in the morning; 5 tablets and one inhaler at night.
On a bad day I take: 17 tablets, one inhaler and one breathing treatment in the morning; two breathing treatments throughout the day; 5 tablets, one inhaler and one breathing treatment at night.
11. Regarding alternative treatments I:
Believe some work while others are just either people trying to make money out of people. I have personally tried something called The Salt Caves. I find it really helps to open up my airways, keep me out of hospital and stop any bacteria from causing me problems.
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose:
On my bad days I would chose to have a visible illness because even on bad days people still have something judgemental to say. I've been accused of over-exaggerating, been told to "get over it", been told I'm a drama queen...I think if people can see an illness they treat you differently to if they cannot see one.
13. Regarding working and career:
Education and work have been really difficult for me with chronic illnesses. I had to take a lot of time out of education due to being ill. However, it has not affected me dreams. It makes me a lot more determined to achieve the things I desire. The biggest example of this is when I strived to get to University and through a lot of hard-work and determination, I got there.
14. People would be surprised to know:
I do not constantly put everything about my illness over social media. I don't always let people know when I have been admitted to hospital.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been:
Giving up some of the things I used to love, taking medications daily to keep me alive, the horrible side-effects of steroid medication and having to stop eating foods I once enjoyed.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was:
Get to University. Despite struggling, I got there in the end.
17. The commercials about my illness:
Keep me staying positive.
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is:
Going on holiday
19. It was really hard to have to give up:
Nuts
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is:
Writing
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would:
Eat all the nuts in the world :3
22. My illness has taught me:
Who truly matters in life. The people who never judge you no matter what and have been there the whole way through without walking away or treating you differently are the ones who deserve to be in your life.
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is:
"It's just a cold"...to someone with a normal immune system a cold is a slight sniffle, maybe at worse you need to take a day or two off work to stay in bed...however to someone with severe asthma a cold is not just that. A cold is like the flu 100 times over. It's a potential chest infection, a large chance of ending up staying in hospital and maybe even a stay in intensive care or high dependency.
24. But I love it when people:
Treat me the same as any other person my age.
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is:
"You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it"
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them:
Even though it is going to be hard things do get easier.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is:
You value the little things (such as: getting dressed, going to University, managing a week healthy) so much. Even though to others they are not big things, for you and others with chronic health issues...they are everything.
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn't feeling well was:
Held my hand, hugged me, told me everything would be okay in the end.
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because:
96% of chronic illnesses are invisible...more awareness needs to be raised.
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel:
Maybe you finally understand somewhat of what I go through
1. The illnesses I live with are:
- Benign Essential Tremor
- Brittle Asthma
- Multiple allergies
- Anaphylaxis
- PCOS (Polycystic ovarian syndrome)
- Depression
- Reflex Anoxic Seizures
- Benign Essential Tremor (April 2008)
- Brittle Asthma (Diagnosed as asthmatic April 2009, re-diagnosed as brittle asthmatic November 2011)
- Multiple allergies (Diagnosed at 4 years old with allergies, re-diagnosed August 2011 with multiple allergies)
- Anaphylaxis (August 2011)
- PCOS (Polycystic ovarian syndrome) (December 2013)
- Depression (February 2014)
- Reflex Anoxic Seizures (April 2014)
- Benign Essential Tremor (I was 10 years old, 2004)
- Brittle Asthma (I was 4/5 years old, 1998/1999)
- Multiple allergies (I was 4 years old, 1998)
- Anaphylaxis (I was 16 years old, 2010)
- PCOS (Polycystic ovarian syndrome) (I was 15 years old, 2009)
- Depression (I was 16 years old, 2010)
- Reflex Anoxic Seizures (I was 19 years old, 2013)
Reading the ingredients on everything and being aware of my asthma triggers
5. Most people assume:
All asthma is, is taking a blue inhaler and then you'll be okay. However, for me and so many others it is so much more than that. People assume that anaphylaxis is just a food allergy and taking a tablet will make things better. The reality is anaphylaxis can kill if not treated properly. It is never just avoiding foods as it is not just foods that may contain your allergen. Many cosmetic products can also contain it. People assume depression is like having a bad day, things always get better in the morning. Sometimes it can be that way but other times you feel so low that you feel like there is no point anymore.
6. The hardest part about mornings are:
Waking up early. If I have been taking steroids to counteract inflammation then sometimes it causes steroid related insomnia which causes me to be awake for hours on end at night without being able to sleep even if I am tired. Some of my normal daily medications carry the side effect of drowsiness and it can be difficult to wake up if you are extremely drowsy.
7. My favorite medical TV show is:
Casualty! I cannot go without my weekly fix of Casualty. February 2013 I was granted a wish from the charity Dreams Come True. I chose to visit the set of Casualty (ironic that is haha).
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is:
My mobile phone! Need I say anymore?
9. The hardest part about nights are:
Trying hard not to over think and get myself really stressed and worked up about nothing.
10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins.
On a normal day I take: 7 tablets and one inhaler in the morning; 5 tablets and one inhaler at night.
On a bad day I take: 17 tablets, one inhaler and one breathing treatment in the morning; two breathing treatments throughout the day; 5 tablets, one inhaler and one breathing treatment at night.
11. Regarding alternative treatments I:
Believe some work while others are just either people trying to make money out of people. I have personally tried something called The Salt Caves. I find it really helps to open up my airways, keep me out of hospital and stop any bacteria from causing me problems.
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose:
On my bad days I would chose to have a visible illness because even on bad days people still have something judgemental to say. I've been accused of over-exaggerating, been told to "get over it", been told I'm a drama queen...I think if people can see an illness they treat you differently to if they cannot see one.
13. Regarding working and career:
Education and work have been really difficult for me with chronic illnesses. I had to take a lot of time out of education due to being ill. However, it has not affected me dreams. It makes me a lot more determined to achieve the things I desire. The biggest example of this is when I strived to get to University and through a lot of hard-work and determination, I got there.
14. People would be surprised to know:
I do not constantly put everything about my illness over social media. I don't always let people know when I have been admitted to hospital.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been:
Giving up some of the things I used to love, taking medications daily to keep me alive, the horrible side-effects of steroid medication and having to stop eating foods I once enjoyed.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was:
Get to University. Despite struggling, I got there in the end.
17. The commercials about my illness:
Keep me staying positive.
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is:
Going on holiday
19. It was really hard to have to give up:
Nuts
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is:
Writing
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would:
Eat all the nuts in the world :3
22. My illness has taught me:
Who truly matters in life. The people who never judge you no matter what and have been there the whole way through without walking away or treating you differently are the ones who deserve to be in your life.
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is:
"It's just a cold"...to someone with a normal immune system a cold is a slight sniffle, maybe at worse you need to take a day or two off work to stay in bed...however to someone with severe asthma a cold is not just that. A cold is like the flu 100 times over. It's a potential chest infection, a large chance of ending up staying in hospital and maybe even a stay in intensive care or high dependency.
24. But I love it when people:
Treat me the same as any other person my age.
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is:
"You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it"
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them:
Even though it is going to be hard things do get easier.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is:
You value the little things (such as: getting dressed, going to University, managing a week healthy) so much. Even though to others they are not big things, for you and others with chronic health issues...they are everything.
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn't feeling well was:
Held my hand, hugged me, told me everything would be okay in the end.
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because:
96% of chronic illnesses are invisible...more awareness needs to be raised.
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel:
Maybe you finally understand somewhat of what I go through
Wednesday 4 June 2014
Dear Dr/Nurse (Good and bad healthcare experiences)
Over my 5 years of chronic illness I have had both negative and positive experiences regarding health care. Here I write letters to some of the healthcare professionals whom I have been treated by. I have left no identifying factors as I am never going to name and shame as I am keeping it confidential. I am extremely grateful to the NHS and could not ask for more than they mostly give me. At times though I feel I have been mistreated...
Dear Dr,
You've been treating me for over 2 years now and it's certainly been a bumpy 2 years. At first you were my favourite doctor, I'd been waiting for somebody who understood my condition and made me feel better about it. However as time has gone by I've felt more and more like you just don't want to know. I know you felt it was in my best interests but you have no clue how it felt for me when you said to me I needed to be seen by psych. It made me feel like you didn't believe me...like you thought all my symptoms were simply in my head. I felt at that particular moment like no one understood. I tried to tell you but it just seemed like you didn't want to listen. I've cried so many times over the referrals to psych because it makes me feel crazy...it genuinely feels like I'm going insane. If my condition wasn't real then why would other doctors treat me like it was? If my symptoms were all in my head or "panic attacks" then why would other medical staff treat me for a real condition? I don't really know what to think anymore. I'm scared because I hate landing in hospital in fear of seeing you again and nobody should have to feel that way about their doctor. No one should have to feel like they have got to avoid their doctor. I wish some how the shoe could be on the other foot...even for an hour then maybe just maybe you would see it from my point of view. You would see my symptoms are not all in my head, you would see how some of the things you have said make me feel.
Dear Dr,
I never have actually properly seen you. I was meant to have an appointment with you but unfortunately due to me being admitted to hospital at the time and a massive mix up I arrived half an hour late for my appointment. At first you seemed nice and friendly and in a way I was glad to have you as a doctor. Then you sent me for a test and when it was normal...you did not even contact me to tell me. I was supposed to see you back in clinic but you discharged me without even telling me and wrote in my notes which my doctor's surgery received that my symptoms were all in my head. Do you have idea how that made me feel? I cried for hours on end because I was just so god damn fed up! I am not making it up! My parents, nurses at the hospital, doctors at the hospital, my friends and my boyfriend have all seen me go through what I go through and yet still you seem to think there is nothing wrong with me.
Dear Dr,
You've been my doctor since I was a little girl and you truly are an amazing person. You have always treated me accordingly depending on my age. Now I'm 20 years old when I see you, you talk to me like I'm an adult, you don't dismiss me or patronise me. You say that I know my body and my conditions better than any doctor does. You make me feel welcome. I feel like you truly understand me and that I have a bond with you. Out of all my doctors I would say that you are definitely my favourite. You never seem to judge me or think I am complaining about things. You treat me like a patient should be treated.
Dear Dr,
You looked at me and said I was fine to go home...why is it that 4 hours later I ended up back in hospital fighting for my life and ended up in high dependency for 3 nights? I trusted you and you broke that trust.
Dear Nurse,
You suffer from the condition you treat me from and therefore I feel I can truly understand you. Talking with you doesn't feel like talking to a health professional but like talking to a friend, someone who will listen. You listen to what I have to say even if it isn't medical related. You make time for me and never rush me along. You always treat me as a person and not as a patient. You make me feel at complete ease talking to you and I truly couldn't wish for a lovelier person.
Dear Nurse,
I've known you since I was a little girl and you're so lovely and caring. You always express a genuine interest in my well being and smile at me whenever you see me. You talk to me like a young adult and never patronise me. You make me feel at ease whenever I see you as well as relaxed. You give me options on different things and make everything seem even that little bit easier.
Dear Dr,
You've been treating me for over 2 years now and it's certainly been a bumpy 2 years. At first you were my favourite doctor, I'd been waiting for somebody who understood my condition and made me feel better about it. However as time has gone by I've felt more and more like you just don't want to know. I know you felt it was in my best interests but you have no clue how it felt for me when you said to me I needed to be seen by psych. It made me feel like you didn't believe me...like you thought all my symptoms were simply in my head. I felt at that particular moment like no one understood. I tried to tell you but it just seemed like you didn't want to listen. I've cried so many times over the referrals to psych because it makes me feel crazy...it genuinely feels like I'm going insane. If my condition wasn't real then why would other doctors treat me like it was? If my symptoms were all in my head or "panic attacks" then why would other medical staff treat me for a real condition? I don't really know what to think anymore. I'm scared because I hate landing in hospital in fear of seeing you again and nobody should have to feel that way about their doctor. No one should have to feel like they have got to avoid their doctor. I wish some how the shoe could be on the other foot...even for an hour then maybe just maybe you would see it from my point of view. You would see my symptoms are not all in my head, you would see how some of the things you have said make me feel.
Dear Dr,
I never have actually properly seen you. I was meant to have an appointment with you but unfortunately due to me being admitted to hospital at the time and a massive mix up I arrived half an hour late for my appointment. At first you seemed nice and friendly and in a way I was glad to have you as a doctor. Then you sent me for a test and when it was normal...you did not even contact me to tell me. I was supposed to see you back in clinic but you discharged me without even telling me and wrote in my notes which my doctor's surgery received that my symptoms were all in my head. Do you have idea how that made me feel? I cried for hours on end because I was just so god damn fed up! I am not making it up! My parents, nurses at the hospital, doctors at the hospital, my friends and my boyfriend have all seen me go through what I go through and yet still you seem to think there is nothing wrong with me.
Dear Dr,
You've been my doctor since I was a little girl and you truly are an amazing person. You have always treated me accordingly depending on my age. Now I'm 20 years old when I see you, you talk to me like I'm an adult, you don't dismiss me or patronise me. You say that I know my body and my conditions better than any doctor does. You make me feel welcome. I feel like you truly understand me and that I have a bond with you. Out of all my doctors I would say that you are definitely my favourite. You never seem to judge me or think I am complaining about things. You treat me like a patient should be treated.
Dear Dr,
You looked at me and said I was fine to go home...why is it that 4 hours later I ended up back in hospital fighting for my life and ended up in high dependency for 3 nights? I trusted you and you broke that trust.
Dear Nurse,
You suffer from the condition you treat me from and therefore I feel I can truly understand you. Talking with you doesn't feel like talking to a health professional but like talking to a friend, someone who will listen. You listen to what I have to say even if it isn't medical related. You make time for me and never rush me along. You always treat me as a person and not as a patient. You make me feel at complete ease talking to you and I truly couldn't wish for a lovelier person.
Dear Nurse,
I've known you since I was a little girl and you're so lovely and caring. You always express a genuine interest in my well being and smile at me whenever you see me. You talk to me like a young adult and never patronise me. You make me feel at ease whenever I see you as well as relaxed. You give me options on different things and make everything seem even that little bit easier.
What's in my make-up bag?
I've only recently started to carry around a make-up bag within my hand bag. The current make-up bag I have I purchased yesterday. It was £3 from a shop called Tiger. The moment I saw it I fell in love with it! It's a great bag, really compact in size but still manages to fit all of my make-up inside of it. It's really nice material with a cute pattern on the outside of the bag.
The first item in my make-up bag is my foundation. It's by the company NYC (New York Color) and is a Natural Matte Foundation, Anti shine effect for up to 8 hours in the shade 003 Cameo. The product retails for between £2.49-£2.99. I absolutely love this foundation! I have been using it for a good while now and I would personally recommend it to anyone. The shade really matches my skin tone unlike other foundations I have tried. It doesn't cause streaks like other foundations and also does not carry a smell like others do.
Product number two is blush by the company Natural Collection in the colour Peach Melba. The colour is a pinky brown colour that looks really nice on your cheeks. It matches really well with my foundation. The product was £1.99 from Boots and is available in a range of colours to suit your needs. The only bad thing I would say about this blush is it does not tend to last the full day while on your cheeks. I would recommend this product as it is not going to break the bank and there are some lovely shades.
My next product is also my Natural Collection and is one of their single eyeshadows in the colour Candy Floss. The colour is a really light pink colour that is slightly shimmery. It retails at £1.79 from Boots. It is a really lovely colour that when put onto my eyelids makes me look more awake and my eyes shine out more. I would 100% repurchase this product and similar colours to it as well as looking into their range of other colours.
Next is an eyeshadow pallet that was part of an Evie Mai gift set I received for Christmas. The pallet contains a lot of neutral brown and nude colours while also having some darker browns and black. I find it is a really nice pallet to use during summer as the light browns give your eyes a really light and vibrant look.
Recently I have been getting really into Rimmel London make up. A few weeks ago I bought several of their nail polishes so was really happy to find one of their products in my May glossybox. I have used it several times since getting it and it's something I would definitely consider re-purchasing. It is retailed at £6.99 for one size. The applicator is really soft and easy to use. It makes your lashes look longer and fuller and does not carry a smell unlike some mascaras I have previously used. It is something which I would really recommend to anyone looking for a really good mascara to try.
Nivea do a lot of great products for lips but my favourite thus far has definitely got to be their Soft Rose lip care. It is retailed anywhere between £1.49-£2 but I purchased it in Poundland for £1. It has a really lovely smell, perfect for summer. It's really light on your lips, non-sticky, does not have much of a colour and softens and moistens your lips. It's a really good lip product which I would defintiely 100% re-purchase.
I've watched a lot of Youtube make-up guru videos and they all seem to have purchased Maybelline New York's Babylips. I decided after a long time coming it was time to try it for myself. I found it in the Maybelline section at one of my local Boots. They are retailed for £2.99. There were a few different types to try out but the best sounding, to me, by far was Cherry Me. On trying it out the product smells AMAZING (like cherries strangely enough!). It moistens and softens your lips. It feels really smooth on and also does not have a disgusting taste. It has a slight colour to it (a dark pink/light red). I love it and cannot wait to try out the other ones.
Next is another product from Natural Collection. It is one of their CoverUp Creams in the shade Fair. It goes really well with my skin and blends in nicely with my foundation. It provides sufficient cover-up and is retailed at £1.99 from Boots. It does not carry any smell and glides on nicely to my skin. It is something I would consider repurchasing.
My next product is an extremely well known brand. It is Vaseline. I have a few of their pocket size lip therapy tins (cocoa butter, original, aloe vera) but my favourite by far is Aloe Vera. It is really smooth on your lips and carries a really fresh and lovely smell. It's a really handy size to have to carry about with you and is also useful if you have any dry skin. It feels really lovely and is not gloopy. It is retailed anywhere between £1.24-£1.99.
Another lip product. It is by the brand Seventeen and is a lip gloss. It is a really lovely shimmery pink that sits well on your lips and last a while. It smells really nice and is not sticky or gloopy to apply (which is good for those windy days when your hair is down). I have one of the small lipglosses that came within a set which I received for Christmas. It was £4.99 to purchase the set of lipglosses which contained six lipglosses and I personally feel it was really worth the price as I have tried out every one of them and love them.
Next is an eyeshadow single colour. It is from the brand Rimmel London and is in the shade 172 Audacious Amethyst. I absolutely adore anything purple so this eyeshadow colour is perfect for me! It is retailed at £4.49 in Boots however on looking in Poundland I managed to pick up this product for just £1! I love the product, it suits my skin tone really well and is not too dark to the extent where it makes your eyes look really dark.
Yet another lip product (I didn't realise I had so many!) by the brand Natural Collection again. It is in the shade Turkish Delight and is a really lovely light pink colour with an amazing smell. It sits really well on your lips and does not smudge easily. It is also not sticky so is great for windy weather. The product retails for £1.99 in Boots stores.
Next is an eyeliner from the company Estee Lauder in the shade 01 Softsmudge Black. The product is retailed at £16. The product is really easy to apply and I find it does not smudge throughout the day like other eyeliners I own. It looks really great with my mascara and is something I would consider repurchasing after it is finished.
Next is yet another lip product! This time it is by Marks and Spencers and is their Raspberry Lip Butter. It is retailed in a pack of 3 (coconut, raspberry and cherry) for £5. It smells lovely. It is really nice feeling when placed on your lips and has a slight tint of pink colour. The only con to this product in my opinion is it is slightly stickier than other lip products I own making it difficult to use when it is windy weather.
The last lip product! This is a lipstick by the brand Evie Mai which I received in a gift set I got for Christmas along with the eyeshadow pallet featured above. The lipstick is a Browny/Red colour which looks great on my lips and I feel it really suits my skin colour. The gift set I received this in is retailed, from Freemans.com, at £39.
The make-up products are over with however I have another 2 items I keep in my make-up bag:
The first is my powder brush. Powder brushes can vary in price depending on how good the make is and also where you purchase it. Every body brush I have come across has been extremely expensive. I came across this powder brush in one of the least likely places of all...Poundland. I was sceptical at first due to it only being a pound however on feeling the brush it was extremely smooth and soft, great for using on your face. I decided I would give it a shot considering I wouldn't have much to lose with it only being £1. I personally absolutely love this brush. It is great to use on your face due to it being so soft, it applies the make-up where you need it etc. I would 100% repurchase this product if needed.
The final product in my make-up bag is my travel size perfume. This perfume is in a small 10ml roll-on bottle which is perfect for carrying about with you and suitable to take on planes. The name of the perfume is "Midnight Kiss". I came across it while shopping in Primark last year and after smelling a sample of it I fell in love. The 10ml bottle is £2 and the 50ml bigger bottle is £5. I personally think it smells better than a lot of the higher brand perfumes that are worth £40/£50.
The first item in my make-up bag is my foundation. It's by the company NYC (New York Color) and is a Natural Matte Foundation, Anti shine effect for up to 8 hours in the shade 003 Cameo. The product retails for between £2.49-£2.99. I absolutely love this foundation! I have been using it for a good while now and I would personally recommend it to anyone. The shade really matches my skin tone unlike other foundations I have tried. It doesn't cause streaks like other foundations and also does not carry a smell like others do.Recently I have been getting really into Rimmel London make up. A few weeks ago I bought several of their nail polishes so was really happy to find one of their products in my May glossybox. I have used it several times since getting it and it's something I would definitely consider re-purchasing. It is retailed at £6.99 for one size. The applicator is really soft and easy to use. It makes your lashes look longer and fuller and does not carry a smell unlike some mascaras I have previously used. It is something which I would really recommend to anyone looking for a really good mascara to try.Next is another product from Natural Collection. It is one of their CoverUp Creams in the shade Fair. It goes really well with my skin and blends in nicely with my foundation. It provides sufficient cover-up and is retailed at £1.99 from Boots. It does not carry any smell and glides on nicely to my skin. It is something I would consider repurchasing.
Yet another lip product (I didn't realise I had so many!) by the brand Natural Collection again. It is in the shade Turkish Delight and is a really lovely light pink colour with an amazing smell. It sits really well on your lips and does not smudge easily. It is also not sticky so is great for windy weather. The product retails for £1.99 in Boots stores.
Next is an eyeliner from the company Estee Lauder in the shade 01 Softsmudge Black. The product is retailed at £16. The product is really easy to apply and I find it does not smudge throughout the day like other eyeliners I own. It looks really great with my mascara and is something I would consider repurchasing after it is finished.
Next is yet another lip product! This time it is by Marks and Spencers and is their Raspberry Lip Butter. It is retailed in a pack of 3 (coconut, raspberry and cherry) for £5. It smells lovely. It is really nice feeling when placed on your lips and has a slight tint of pink colour. The only con to this product in my opinion is it is slightly stickier than other lip products I own making it difficult to use when it is windy weather.
The make-up products are over with however I have another 2 items I keep in my make-up bag:
The first is my powder brush. Powder brushes can vary in price depending on how good the make is and also where you purchase it. Every body brush I have come across has been extremely expensive. I came across this powder brush in one of the least likely places of all...Poundland. I was sceptical at first due to it only being a pound however on feeling the brush it was extremely smooth and soft, great for using on your face. I decided I would give it a shot considering I wouldn't have much to lose with it only being £1. I personally absolutely love this brush. It is great to use on your face due to it being so soft, it applies the make-up where you need it etc. I would 100% repurchase this product if needed.The final product in my make-up bag is my travel size perfume. This perfume is in a small 10ml roll-on bottle which is perfect for carrying about with you and suitable to take on planes. The name of the perfume is "Midnight Kiss". I came across it while shopping in Primark last year and after smelling a sample of it I fell in love. The 10ml bottle is £2 and the 50ml bigger bottle is £5. I personally think it smells better than a lot of the higher brand perfumes that are worth £40/£50.
Wednesday 28 May 2014
Talking about my dad, the good and the bad
So I haven't written a blog about my Dad since my very first blog about him back in May 2013 (wow it's really been a year). I guess the reason for that is I have actually been doing alright emotionally regarding my dad passing away. Tonight though in a way that all changed. It's getting really close to being 3 and a half years since he passed away and I guess tonight everything got a little too much. I was thinking about him a lot so decided to get out the memory box I made to help remember him. At the time I thought it was a great idea but afterwards it turned out not to be such a great idea.
In my memory box I keep: pictures, cards to and from my dad, a perfume bottle from perfume he bought me years ago, a bracelet watch he bought me years ago, those binocular things that you get in the theatre and letters I've written to him since his passing. I was looking through it trying to hold back the tears but eventually they all just spilled out. I was crying, I was upset...but at the same time I was smiling and laughing remembering all the good times I had with my dad.
I remember the time he went with me and my Godmother to the cinema and fell asleep. He started to really loudly snore and a little boy said to his Dad "Daddy why is that man making that funny noise" we kept trying to nudge him awake but he was like sleeping beauty snoring his head off. I remember when I stayed over at his house and the police showed up at the door. On answering they said we'd called them but the reality was my dad had been on the phone to someone else. As I'm writing all this I'm smiling thinking back about it. It takes my mind of the really bad memories. The ones that I don't want to remember but can't help think about. Things like: seeing him in intensive care in Florida when he was first diagnosed with complete kidney failure, him being rushed into hospital on numerous occasions due to infections, him having a seizure but being awake at the same time, getting a phone call when he went in to have his kidney transplant to say they'd tried for hours but could not transplant the kidney and lastly, the worst of them all really, the night I was told my dad had passed away.
In some ways I am glad my dad is no longer here. Before his death he struggled physically and emotionally with his kidney failure. The dialysis was taking it's toll on him, he was no longer the father I once remembered from when I was little. It was extremely hard seeing him go downhill both physically and emotionally. I remember back to when I was little, before he was diagnosed with kidney failure, and my dad was really full of life. He used to wake up with me really early on Christmas morning and watch me opening my presents. He used to be able to run after me, chasing me about. He used to take me to the beach, the park...he used to play games with me (even dress up). That all changed when he became sick. He was always tired, he never had any energy. When he wasn't in the hospital he was either doing dialysis or he was sick. It really affected me growing up. People stopped noticing me really. At 8 years old that is something which is extremely hard to come to terms with. Everyone was giving my dad attention because he was sick and they would almost forget about me. I remember when I was little I would try and get attention off people negatively. I'd constantly complain I was ill to people to make them feel sorry for me and make them give me attention. It worked...but in a way I sometimes think karma hit me really hard by giving me real life health issues.
I feel really bad because through the way I have been feeling tonight in some ways I took it out on my boyfriend. At 12:30am he told me he had to go to bed and I took it really wrongly due to the way I was feeling. I said really bluntly goodnight to him and then later thought "Oh crap...I'm a terrible person". I sent him another message and hopefully everything will be okay in the morning (I hope) but I still do feel bad because I shouldn't have taken it out on him as he supports me. He is great with things really. He never says he understands which is something I am grateful for as I hate when people say they understand how you feel when they clearly don't. He listens to me even if he cannot say anything to help me and I am also grateful for that because the reality is often I don't need advice I just need someone to talk to about things as I've learned it isn't good to bottle up things.
It's been 3 hours since things started to get bad and to be honest I am feeling a lot better. I'm starting to feel really tired too so I think I should probably head to sleep. I'm sure I'll feel a lot better in the morning as a good night's sleep always helps :) Goodnight
In my memory box I keep: pictures, cards to and from my dad, a perfume bottle from perfume he bought me years ago, a bracelet watch he bought me years ago, those binocular things that you get in the theatre and letters I've written to him since his passing. I was looking through it trying to hold back the tears but eventually they all just spilled out. I was crying, I was upset...but at the same time I was smiling and laughing remembering all the good times I had with my dad.
I remember the time he went with me and my Godmother to the cinema and fell asleep. He started to really loudly snore and a little boy said to his Dad "Daddy why is that man making that funny noise" we kept trying to nudge him awake but he was like sleeping beauty snoring his head off. I remember when I stayed over at his house and the police showed up at the door. On answering they said we'd called them but the reality was my dad had been on the phone to someone else. As I'm writing all this I'm smiling thinking back about it. It takes my mind of the really bad memories. The ones that I don't want to remember but can't help think about. Things like: seeing him in intensive care in Florida when he was first diagnosed with complete kidney failure, him being rushed into hospital on numerous occasions due to infections, him having a seizure but being awake at the same time, getting a phone call when he went in to have his kidney transplant to say they'd tried for hours but could not transplant the kidney and lastly, the worst of them all really, the night I was told my dad had passed away.
In some ways I am glad my dad is no longer here. Before his death he struggled physically and emotionally with his kidney failure. The dialysis was taking it's toll on him, he was no longer the father I once remembered from when I was little. It was extremely hard seeing him go downhill both physically and emotionally. I remember back to when I was little, before he was diagnosed with kidney failure, and my dad was really full of life. He used to wake up with me really early on Christmas morning and watch me opening my presents. He used to be able to run after me, chasing me about. He used to take me to the beach, the park...he used to play games with me (even dress up). That all changed when he became sick. He was always tired, he never had any energy. When he wasn't in the hospital he was either doing dialysis or he was sick. It really affected me growing up. People stopped noticing me really. At 8 years old that is something which is extremely hard to come to terms with. Everyone was giving my dad attention because he was sick and they would almost forget about me. I remember when I was little I would try and get attention off people negatively. I'd constantly complain I was ill to people to make them feel sorry for me and make them give me attention. It worked...but in a way I sometimes think karma hit me really hard by giving me real life health issues.
I feel really bad because through the way I have been feeling tonight in some ways I took it out on my boyfriend. At 12:30am he told me he had to go to bed and I took it really wrongly due to the way I was feeling. I said really bluntly goodnight to him and then later thought "Oh crap...I'm a terrible person". I sent him another message and hopefully everything will be okay in the morning (I hope) but I still do feel bad because I shouldn't have taken it out on him as he supports me. He is great with things really. He never says he understands which is something I am grateful for as I hate when people say they understand how you feel when they clearly don't. He listens to me even if he cannot say anything to help me and I am also grateful for that because the reality is often I don't need advice I just need someone to talk to about things as I've learned it isn't good to bottle up things.
It's been 3 hours since things started to get bad and to be honest I am feeling a lot better. I'm starting to feel really tired too so I think I should probably head to sleep. I'm sure I'll feel a lot better in the morning as a good night's sleep always helps :) Goodnight
Tuesday 27 May 2014
Survival guide for living with Anaphylaxis
I have been suffering with allergies since I was very young
and was formally diagnosed when I was 4 years old. When I was 16 years old, 4
years ago, I was diagnosed with anaphylaxis (severe allergic reactions) as well
as more allergies.
When I was younger my mum noticed that I would continually
come out in a really blotchy, itchy rash after eating anything containing red
food colouring. After attending an allergist at the hospital and getting blood
taken, although my blood results were fine for all major allergens I was
diagnosed with an allergy to food colourings, in particular red food
colourings. Growing up avoiding food colourings was not much of an issue for me
as I quickly learned that if I ate anything with food colouring in it I would
become extremely itchy. When I was 16 years old my mother gave me an ice-cream
topped with hazelnuts to eat. Within 15 minutes of eating the ice-cream my skin
began to become itchy, my face began to swell up, my throat felt like it was
closing and my breathing became extremely difficult. After phoning NHS24 I was
told I was suffering with the symptoms of anaphylaxis (Severe allergic
reaction) and they would call me an ambulance. I luckily had an epi-pen in my
house (an injection which contains the drug adrenaline which is one of the
treatments for anaphylaxis). NHS24 gave me instructions on how to administer
the epi-pen and after giving it within 15 minutes I began to feel better.
However this is not always the case. Sometimes when someone suffers from
anaphylaxis the adrenaline may not always work and therefore that is why
sufferers of anaphylaxis are suggested to carry 2 epi-pens with them in order
to give themselves a second shot of adrenaline should the first one not work or
wear off. The paramedics and hospital staff can also give extra adrenaline if
needed.
I take various medications to combat the symptoms of my
allergies everyday. In the morning I take 2 anti-histamines tablets
(desloratadine and fexofenadine) as well as a tablet which blocks the 2nd
type of histamine (something which your body releases when you’re having an
allergic reaction) called ranitidine. At night time I take 1 anti-histamine
tablet (piriton) as well as a 2nd ranitidine tablet. I can take
piriton up to 3 times a day so if I start to show any allergy symptoms
throughout the day then I can take another tablet. I also have to carry about
with me 2 epi-pens and a ventolin inhaler everywhere I go in case I suffer an
anaphylactic reaction to something. The majority of the tablets I take do not
have side effects but unfortunately piriton, epi-pens and ventolin inhalers do.
Piriton can make you feel really drowsy and disorientated, something which I
have found help me cope with the side effects is taking the tablet at night so
I will sleep of the side effects. If you have to take it at school it is best
to alert your teacher or school nurse that you are having to take it so they
know that you may suffer these side effects. Epi-pens can make your heart rate
speed up and can also make you feel really dizzy and agitated. The best way to
get through these symptoms is to try and remain calm. An ambulance should
always be phoned when someone takes an epi-pen as the person should at least be
checked over by paramedics if not taken to hospital. Ventolin inhaler can make
your heart rate speed up and can also cause you to have tremors (particularly
in your hands). The best way to get through the symptoms is to remain calm and
breathe as calmly as you possibly can.
Dealing with allergies and anaphylaxis on a daily basis can
be really hard to start with but things get a lot easier with time. The main
thing to be aware of is to check everything you eat. Particularly if you are
suffering from a nut allergy, even things that you think may be safe may have
cross contamination from it being made in the same factory as something else or
using ingredients which contain nuts. The same goes for any allergens. On a lot
of products it says if it contains any of the main 24 allergens however
companies legally do not have to put this on their products so if you are ever
in doubt do not consume it. You have to keep in mind that it is not just foods
which may contain your allergens. Drinks (alcoholic and non-alcoholic),
cosmetic products, sun tan lotions etc. may all contain your allergen.
Particularly where nuts are concerned a lot of cosmetic products can contain
nut oil. It is a really good idea to research the name for the oil of nuts in
order to avoid it in products.
The main symptoms of anaphylaxis are:
- Itching
- Hives
- Vomiting
- Stomach pains
- Swelling of the: face, hands, feet, genitals, tongue, throat
- Difficulty swallowing
- Difficulty breathing
- Stridor (extremely noisy breathing that sounds like snoring)
- Wheezing (extremely high pitched breathing that typically occurs when breathing out)
- Dizziness
- Unconsciousness
- Fearing that something bad is going to happen
- Diarrhoea
This is not a complete list of all the symptoms but is a
list of the main symptoms. Not everybody gets all of these symptoms. It is
suggested that if 2 or more symptoms occur then an ambulance should be phoned
and an epi-pen administered if available. It is also a good idea to call a
family member or a friend to let them know what is happening so they are aware.
Anaphylaxis can be a really scary thing to go through, particularly when you
are alone, but the main thing is to try and stay calm and remember that when
you phone the ambulance the paramedics are on their way and they are extremely
good at dealing with this.
It is often very difficult to get those around you to
understand that anaphylaxis is a very serious medical condition and that even
being in the same room as your allergen can cause you to react. The best way to
deal with this is let the person you are trying to explain it to know how it
makes you feel. Explain to them what happens if you are exposed to your
allergen and that it is a very life-threatening condition. There is a lot of
information available online to help other people understand your anaphylaxis.
You should let those closest to you know how to deal with an anaphylactic
reaction if they should ever need to. You should ask your doctor for a trainer
adrenaline pen in order to give family members, friends etc. an idea on how to
use them and make them less nervous should they ever need to use one on you.
Don’t let your allergies take over your life. There are a lot of things which
you will be able to eat instead of the things you are allergic to. For example
if you have a nut allergy and really like chocolate, keep in mind that not
every chocolate carries a risk so there are still a lot of things you can eat.
Allergies do not define you, they are something which unfortunately you have to
learn to live with but they are not who you are as a person.
It is really important that you tell your area of either
education or work about your allergies. Most schools have an allergy action
plan and the appropriate people have been trained on how to deal with
anaphylaxis. It would be a good idea to give your school some spare medication
in case you were to ever forget yours or need yours in an emergency. When in
college or University it is very different to school as there are a lot more
people and you are not as close to your teachers. It is a good idea to alert
the person responsible for your University/College’s first aid that you suffer
from allergies and/or anaphylaxis to the things you have reactions to and
instruct them on what to do should you suffer a reaction to something. When in
a work environment it can be really difficult to get others to not bring in the
allergen in which you are allergic to. Alert your manager to the fact you
suffer with allergies and/or anaphylaxis and let them know what to do should
you ever suffer a reaction to something. Be careful when others are eating
around you and if something makes you feel uncomfortable be honest with the
person about your allergies and let them know what they should not eat around
you.
There are a few charities which I have found really have
helped me when dealing with coming to terms with my allergies and anaphylaxis.
The Anaphylaxis Campaign is the only UK based charity which supports
those affected by severe food allergies and their loved ones. They provide
information about living with anaphylaxis as well as product information
regarding allergens. They also have a helpline in which you can phone to ask
for any advice you may need regarding anaphylaxis. They have a facebook page
where you can keep up to date with their latest news and ask questions on.
Allergylifestyle is another website which has really helped me come to terms
with things. They provide information on allergies as well as a store in which
you can buy carrier cases for your medication which can really help make it a
less daunting thing to have to carry about. For younger children they provide
allergy stickers for lunch boxes during school to state they have a food
allergy. The final charity which has been a great help to me has been Medic
Alert. Medic Alert is a UK
charity which provides medical jewellery to buy which you can engrave with
whatever you feel necessary. With your order you also get a wallet card which
has your health information (such as your name, next of kin, medical
information) written on it to be used in an emergency. Medic Alert also have a
24 hour contact number where if you are found in an emergency medical
professionals can phone them and gain access to your emergency medical
information so they can give you the proper treatment.
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