My best friend and love?

When I was 14 years old I met someone who has influenced my life a lot. His name is James Innes Cameron and well he is such an amazing boy :) We've had our ups, and we've had ours downs but he truly is one of the only people I can fully trust nowadays. He's always there to pick me up whenever I need someone and doesn't even hesitate. We may not live near each other, he lives in the Scottish borders and me in East Lothian, but he's still one of my greatest and best friends ever. We have amazing memories together and he truly is someone who can always make me smile and laugh no matter what :)

It doesn't matter what James has always been there. He was the first boy to ever make me feel love...he used to call me "the most beautiful girl in the world" and it always used to make me smile no matter what I was going through. We were together for eight months and I guess just being immature at 15 things ended but at least we got through it and we've become great friends out of it all :) I wouldn't give up James for anything and no matter what happens between us I want him to always be in my life. He's supported me through everything, he's saved me from doing stupid things, he's picked me up when I've been thrown down by everyone else...he's truly the best friend anyone could ask for.

I can't even begin to describe just how much me and James have been through together...I kept a diary when we were together and also when we split up so I figured I'll write some of that stuff down :)

Friday 25th January 2009: 
OMG! I can't believe what happened today. The new guy in my class James and me are going out!!! All thanks to Andrew in PSE! Oh yeah I got James's number today! He text me back and it was really cute!

Saturday 7th February 2009:
Today was my birthday party but was also the most magical day of my life so far! We were in the dark of laser quest and it happened! I KISSED JAMES! OMG! It was amazing!

Saturday 28th February 2009: 
Today I went on my first official date with James! We went to the cinema and saw Slumdog Millionaire! It was a really good film. We held hands for ages and he rubbed circles on the back of my hand. It felt so good! I was actually frozen to the spot and couldn't move it was that amazing. We kissed again today and I just wished that the moment could have lasted forever.

Okay...so I was a lovely immature little 15 year old girl who thought she was in love, I look back and smile because I was genuinely happy :) Even if it's really cheesy stuff :P Then you get to the things I wrote when we broke up...and it's back to sad stuff again :/

Writing it's a good way of spending time, you can let your emotions spill out onto paper and no one will question you. It's good to to write things down so you can let other people know what emotions and feelings that you can't tell them. I guess from the moment I laid eyes on him something was bound to go wrong...He was tall with sandy blonde hair and baby blue eyes. I didn't even like him at first...not even as a friend...so I guess it's alright for me to sit and wonder how I got from the point of not even liking him to being fully and madly in love with him. After that first week of my two friends going up to him asking him out for me, I can only assume that he got tired and said yes like most people would. Okay maybe the first two weeks were awkward, I mean we didn't know basically anything about each other and then bam we were together. The magical bit came with our first kiss...it was my birthday party and we kissed. I had never felt anything like it before. It felt strange but I didn't want it to end at the same time as it felt amazing. Everything seemed to be going so right, he was the most amazing guy I had ever met and he treated me the way I had always wanted boys to treat me. I remember the first time he said I love you to me, at that moment I knew there was no escaping. I needed to be with him, I lavished the very thought of him. I dreamt about seeing him and even today the dreams and visions seem so real...I loved him and he loved me, everything was going in the right direction. You always dream about one day finding your prince charming who will come and sweep you off your feet and find the direct road to your heart. I had found my fairytale prince and I was his princess, I never did want to change him and even now I still don't because he is perfect in so many ways. The memories of the time we had together flood my eyes like tears. They are a constant reminder of what once was but what no longer is and that's the worst part about it, never hearing him say I love you again, or never hearing him call me the most beautiful girl on earth. I don't know if he still loves me...I pray to god he does, but I will understand if he doesn't. I think if he does find someone else...then i just hope it's not someone I know as it's bad enough to see the person you love with someone else but when it's someone you know then that's when the line is drawn...

There's pages and pages of things like this written in a diary...these are just the first few so from what you've read you can clearly see this boy meant and still does mean a lot to me. I just don't want to lose him, or hurt him like I did in the past or ruin our friendship because what we have at the moment is something so special and I never want to lose it or him...